Lord Thantanos Ares Shatter

Subject: Lord Thantanos Ares Shatter Wed Jun 12, 2013 3:28 pm

"Do you know who I am? I am Shatter, disciple of Nemesis, the Goddess of Divine Retribution, Balance,... and Revenge."

I. Information

Account Name: LordShatter
Character Number: 2
Other Characters: Ural Posh(unapproved)

II. Biographical Data

Name: Thantanos Ares Shatter
Alias(es): Lord Shatter
Nickname: N/A
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Species: Nautolan
Birth Date & Place: Glee Anselm
Special Characteristics: Self-proclaimed Lord of his crime gang, The Circle of Nemesis

III. Physical

Height: 2.2 meters
Hair Color & Style: N/A
Eye Color & Shape: Black, oval
Skin Tone: Black
Build: Muscular
Physical Ability & Limits: N/A
Physical Illness/Ailment: N/A
Clothing Style: Dark robes
Distinguishing Features: Taller than most Nautolans and much higher voice
Voice: High and Squeaky

IV. Mental

Basic Alignment: Independent
Goal(s): To stop his addiction to spice(Aang's Idea), wipe out the Hutt Clan
Objective: Kill as many Hutts as possible
Defining Characteristics: Crazed due to addiction to spice
Likes: Killing people who stand in his way
Dislikes: People who stand in his way, his addiction to spice
Hopes & Desires: To be loved
Fears & Phobias: He'll never be loved for who he is
Dirty Secret: Secretly killed his mother
Attitudes Toward:
-Others: Hating
-Homeland: Unaffected

V. Social

Status: Crime Lord of the Circle of Nemesis
Political Alignment: N/A
Marital Status: Single
Family: Father, Age 45, Brother, Age 14
Hobbies: N/A
Languages: Nautuli, Anselmi, Basic, Huttese, Bocce
Literacy: Nautuli, Anselmi, Basic, Huttese, Bocce

VI. Powers & Abilities

Talents & Skills: Can sense emotions and intentions through his 14 lekku, works best underwater. Is also skilled with a lightsaber because he is an Ex-Jedi
Force Abilities: Deception(powerful), Push(Mild), Lightning(Mild), Speed(Mild)

VII. Background

History: Please list a history of your character, and divide it into arcs.

He was born on Glee Anselm to a poor family. Within 8 months, the Jedi Order came and brought him to the temple on Coruscant. He grew up an average Youngling and became a Padawan to Master Lola. When he was 16, he went on a mission to Glee Anselm with his master and met his mother. At first it was fine, but when he began to argue with his mother, the heat increased. His mother explained that she called the Jedi to pick him up, and Shatter accused his mother of not wanting him. Shatter's fury caused him to slay his mother. He was so upset, he burned the body and never told anyone.
When he turned 19, he passed the Trials and became a Knight. Everything went well, till he started spice. Memories of his mother's death that had been repressed for so many years caused him to go insane, and he attacked and killed Master Lola. He abandoned the Jedi Order and joined the Hutts as a bounty hunter.
When the Hutts tried to have him killed, he killed a minor Hutt Crime Lord and abandoned them. he started his own crime network, proclaiming himself a Lord. He dubbed the network, the Circle of Nemesis, and has made it his life goal to wipe out the Hutts and to kick his spice addiction.

Subject: Re: Lord Thantanos Ares Shatter Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:35 pm

Man, can you make this character any more cliche?

Actually, don't answer that. You probably can.

Subject: Re: Lord Thantanos Ares Shatter Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:40 pm

Am I approved though?

Subject: Re: Lord Thantanos Ares Shatter Wed Jun 12, 2013 5:09 pm

No, your history is missing massive banks of information. We know very little of Thantanos (yeah ... real orignal name there.). We have no idea why he was even allowed to see his parents in the first place, the Jedi don't let that happen. We have no idea why there was even an argument. We don't know why someone who has been taught from a very young age to forgo any emotion, suddenly flips the fuck out and kills his own mother in cold blood. Nor do we know why, or even how he killed a Jedi Master.

You then just jump to him suddenly having a hit on his head from the Hutts. We know absolutely nothing about what happened from some how abandoning the Order, to becoming a wanted Bounty Hunter. For one, why do the Hutts even want him dead? Two, why doesn't he just run, instead of making him the Hutt's number one most wanted?

How, and why does he found this Circle?